worry, worry not.

i dont have to answer to anyone who i love, who i dont. dont have to answer to will i love will i not love. i would not and will not answer to the whole world because there is no need to.

and perhaps theres's even no need to worry about love. anymore...

if you love, you love. maybe one day, two days, three days, one year, ten years, as long as you have the courage to. before mrcoward creeps in and take it away.

before you start and end up trying to love something and someone you dont love and will never love....

because i do not want to marry to a car, to a house, to a lifestyle, i worry if the heart close to mine beats with mine.

yet, worry not.

why dont you die?

heard from most people that they want to die knowing the world loves them and they will be remembered. i think otherwise, i would like to die not known and forgotten.

somehow i know im afraid of emotional attachments people have with me. as warming as it is to know there are people whom care and feel i mean something to them, i sometimes prefer they not.

because if you are gone tomorrow, i know i can handle my emotions well enough. but if im gone tomorrow, will you be fine?


Anyway, i dont really enjoy people asking me if i miss them, him, hersoever because i know i most likely dont in the way they want it to be.

was on messenger for alittle while when a box popped out.

he: how come you dont call me, hardly contact me?
me: you should know i hardly contact anyone.
he: ok......

he: do you miss me? haha
me: does it matter?
he: of cause.
me: why?
he: because it just does.
me: i prefer it doesnt.

he went offline. (.........?)

my unanswered answer is no. ( ha, funny if truth hurts but i dont know how to lie)

was sitting alone with my music plugged into my ears, watching people do their things on a monday afternoon. some were waiting for the other to come watch a movie with them, some busy flipping through their textbooks, some happily eating away, and one had big pink letterings underneath her white pants. i just watched her walk further away with a caucasian arm around her shoulder.

how some like some bad attention. cool...

i had this strong harmless wanting to go up and ask her why really? i just want to know thats all...

haha. people are pretty funny. i like them when they are not irritating.

do you, do you not?

i dont understand french, i dont understand spanish, i dont understand portuguese, dont understand, dont understand. but its okie.

i dont understand what this girl on my ipod is singing but i enjoy listening to her because i dont understand.

i could try to listen to her with my heart to feel what she is singing, is she happy? is she sad? is she angry? is she, is she? but because i dont understand, i might never know but its okie.

perhaps she doesnt want anyone to. she just want to express and doesnt really care what you think. she enjoys the beauty of humans and how they make meanings of their own and preceive the same thing in many different ways.

because i dont understand i can think its this and that or maybe that or this and alittle this and that, however i want, whichever i want to and it doesnt really matter.

the funny thing is sometimes when i speak english and the listener understands english, he/she might not understand what i want to convey and sometimes cant.

sometimes people cant, sometimes people dont want to.

sometimes people dont understand what they dont understand...

and people learn not to understand.