I feel like running away... going away to somewhere faraway....

my tonsils and bunny nannies.

I feel scared. I feel sad. And I cried tears for puppetress's pain.


Visited doctor again, again.

doctor: Open your mouth and relax.
"Why dont i suggest you remove your tonsils?" They are unhealthy.

me: ................??
(*thinking to myself, if i remove them will i lose my voice.....)

doctor: Your tonsils are damaged and dead. You should remove them. Especially when you fall sick so often, almost every month and required antibiotics each time. It would be better for you.

Mine, mine... i will say goodbye to my tonsils soon in june when the school holidays are. Only then i can afford to take 2 weeks to recover after a tonsillectomy. Maybe after that, i can ask to pack them up and bring them home. Show it to dad, mum, maid, sister and all my birds.

Do you think anyone will realise its my tonsils aint kidneys if i use them to cook mee-sua?

My maids have always been one of my best friend and more than a helping hand at home. They are part of my family. When im sick, they bring me to the doctors, when i camp vomitingly in the toilet, they camp with me. When i need just simple companion to anywhere, they always accomapany me.

They are part of my life.

may: hey, eat your medicine.
me: hmmm... can make ribena for me please?
may: you want milo?
me: no... i dont want... eel... always drink milo when sick.. now i think of milo i more sick. ribena la...
may: cannot... cold la cannot. you sick.
me: aiyah... never mind la. who say sick cannot drink cold one?
may: cannot... cannot....
me: please la... may... please... i dont want milo.....
may: okie la.... just now u eat porridge already. so now let you drink ribena. I make one cup ribena for you and one cup water ah?
me: hee.... okie, thank you.

After medication

may: eh j***, go sleep la....
me: later la....
may: your eyes very red already......
me: .......... later la... awhile more......
may: you eat medicine already go sleep la.
me: ............... later...awhile more.............
may: see, your face so red also.......
me: fever mah, then face red......
may: you see, your nose always sz sz sz....you dont naughty la... go sleep la.
me: i hungry.....
may: how? what you want to eat?
me: hmmm.. i dont know... doctor say no chilli. house no more tom yam maggi....
may: beehoon soup?
me: hmmm..... again ah... but no more fishball already right... i dont want eat beehoon and soup only....
may: haha ya. then how..... dont eat la, you sick cannot eat anyhow.
me: okie lor... never mind... dont eat...

After awhile.... she came into the room again.

may: j***, you want this one? (showed me 2 cans of campbell soup)
me: (felt very touched cause she mentioned that she's going to sleep) Hmm...... okie lor, anything. You ask my sister she want or not, if she want, i share with her.
may: okie.
me: thank you....

This is how my maid love me, and most of the maids whom had taken very good care of me....... To me, they meant alot more than just someone whom cleans my house. They are part of my family.

I love my maids. Bunny Nannies.

* j*** is what bunny nannies call me.

2 sicks

Bunny is down again. Being called a sicknote bunny. Fever, sore throat. They seem to be quite loyal friends to me, never seem to leave me through the years despite anything. I dont know how i can show my appreciation to them truly.

We were both unwell yet we bought ourselves to catch Memoirs of The Geisha at the cinema just because i mentioned i want to. Where he so badly wanted to catch the Narnia when he saw it on the show screen But............ so unwillingly and willingly gave in to me sweetly. Haha..... Sometimes he makes me feel on top of the world in the little things he does for me and the little efforts he puts in that runs a longer mile for us. I feel love not companionship.

Many times in a relationship, we do things for the other because its a norm to do certain things, behave in certain ways, say certain things to each other, for each other. However, it isnt so for us. We dont like to do things for the sake of doing things, say things for the sake of saying... Nor do we judge each others love so easily with the things we do or not do for each other. There isnt an expectation or a fight for control nor a sense of possesiveness over each other. Its rare and unusual when you think about it sometimes, but we are happy.....

We dont have to see each other everyday or talk to each other everyday. We both dont like to talk most of the times. Yet, when we talk or share, its comforting and sometimes alittle giggly with the feeling of smacking each other on the head. Its nice....

And im happy. I hope i make him happy too.

hokkien kid on the block

New School Term. New School. New faces. New children.

School was crowded with parents standing inside in the class and outside the window. Noises of children crying, laughing, talking.

Do you still remember how first day in new school feels like for you when you were little? Did you grab your mummy's hand or daddy's pants? Did you scream and cry, refusing to enter the class?

Were you comfortable to be in a new environment and with all the unfamiliarities? Did you start making friends with your classmates like they were your old friend?

Did you? Were you.......?

Children have their insecurities and fear, just give them some time and sincere love. They will feel it and open up to you slowly.

Location: Outdoor play.

Me: Hey Boy, Dont worry, come join us and have some fun together at the playground.
Boy: (kept clinging onto mum and crying on and off)
Me: Alright, looks like maybe you want to stay with mummy for awhile. Dont worry, you'll be fine, when you are ready you can come look for me and join me in the fun.
Boy: (Continue crying and pause and continued and paused)

Mum: Go join teacher, go go go, go play.
Boy: (kept quiet while mum continue carrying)

Awhile later, i was playing with a few little ones when Boy came running to me. Showed me his fist with a smile that says "iwanttoplaywithyoubutihavetoomuchpride," and have me a hit on my shoulder.

Me: Ouch! Hmmmm, why did you hit me? Is there something you want to tell me?
Boy: ran off and ran back and hit me for second time.
Me: Ouch! No hitting because its painful.

Mum: (ran over) No hitting your teacher! You cannot hit your teacher!
Me: (smiled)

Boy: Looks at me for awhile.
Me: Well, yeah. If you like me, you can hug me or just tell me that you like me. You dont need to hit me alright.

Mum: Yeah, you like teacher you tell teacher, or go hug teacher. Not hit! Cannot hit your teacher understand... go u like teacher right, go hug her. go...

Me: hahahaha, its okie...... he needs time to adjust his emotions and express openly in the more appropriate manner.

Well well... children. They just bring me so much amazing suprises.

2 homes, one me.

I miss home(bangkok), where i see Dad everyday and be happy together.

Where ill wake up earliest and early in the mornings, sit on the stairs near the window and balcony quietly look out at its pretty face, listen to its morning humming and breathe its freshiest scent. Only then would i slowly walk back into my room to lie on my bed for just alittle while more....

Where i feel most carefree and comfortable, knowing that nobody can really find me......



Yet, im here too. Home where im closer to friends whom i care for and care for me. My love whom i fell in love with in 2005 and still very much in love with.... Where Snoopy used to be with me and still waiting for her to come home.... Able to see mum and sis everyday.

Where i can be found and find.......

Here, i gratefully accepted a new teaching position at a new place. Its a new commitment, one step higher on the stepping stone im climbing.

And it has only just started.

I miss my pet squirrel, Mola. Mola Ekkamai.

2006

For new year eve, dad is not back(singapore) but he sent me a text on my mobile before anyone did.
Dad: Pa, wish you happiness and all your dreams comes true. Happy new Year.

Mum went out for some talk and celebration but she sent me a text to my mobile just right after dad's.
Mum: Have a Blessed new year. Rejoice.

Sister went out for celebration with freddy and old classmates and she sent a text to my mobile just right after 12 midnight.
Sister: Happy New Year! I love you!

Although this new year, we were all not home together but i have them close to my heart and i know they have mine to theirs too...

And for every year that have past, he is still deeply missed and loved by me and our family. I love you kor... Happy new year to you and may you be happy up there, watching over us from above.


Woke up. Waited for the church bells to strike at 12 noon. Its does so every first day of the month. And i stood at my window close to 12 waiting for it to sing to my ears and i know i will smile. And i did.First day of a new month of a new year. 01 Janurary, 2006. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Now we have past this half century. hahahaha. Not too bad, we all made it so far, so, so far so good.Have you given yourself a pat of encouragement on your own back? Do so if you have not. You truly deserves it if you have made it this far.

For all the crockraches you managed to kill the previous years, for all the bird shit that might have fallen on you and managed to shower them off, for all the beautiful dancing with birds in the gardens or parks, for all the sweetness and love you received. For letting go what makes you unhappy, treasuring what makes you happy. For that, give yourself a pat on the back.