first attempt to drive on the road without my dad in the car. i drove the girls home after a night of dinner, frida, creation of red and shocking pink and laughters.

i never felt that strange sense of nervousness in my life. never. the feeling of worrying about endangering two lives, not myself. to make sure they get home safe and feel safe on the journey back did not slip once out of my mind once while we were on the road. to be honest, my hands were cold and i was truly nervous. an image of my brother on the bed before he closed his eyes to the living world flashed in my mind and i begin to realise the reason of my unfounded fear. perhaps because i had seen my dearest's death so close to me before, i truly understand how fragile life is and that we are merely weak bodies.....

at the red light, i saw a transformation. a different part of me, a different driver from when i was learning and having a L plate. many things that i would be too lazy to do, i did them last night. i obeyed as much rules and safety as i could to keep them safe and knowing that they two would soon embark on learning driving soon like i myself once, i didnt want to set a bad example for reckless or overconfident driving even though im no expert and just a new young driver.

dropped delly (last passenger) safely down and i truly felt a sense of relief. there, i was off for my home.

the next thing i know, my hands were warm and i vromed. with attempt of reminding myself to now keep MY own life,

safe.